As a wedding professional it is so easy to get caught up in focusing on our engaged clients and really honing in on the population with their relationship status set to marital bliss. But what if you’re single and dying inside looking at the flood of married content?
Girl, I see you. And while I try hard to keep my private life, well private there has been many dark chapters of hating being single in my big book. Before the flood of gag-worthy posts and photos of my seemingly “perfect family” life, I will admit it didn’t come as easily as choosing a filter that highlights all my good sides.
Not very long ago there was a very heart broken Sav who looked in the mirror one day and saw all the awful relationships I had been in had a common denominator.. it was the girl in staring back at me. I know, ouch. But the truth was undeniable and well I had a choice, be in denial and the equation would never change or face the truth and make some changes. If all I needed was a positive mindset and awareness a few good self help podcasts I should be able to change right? Wrong, every date I went on the men all had the seemingly the same issues. I wrote in my journal “ All they want is sex, they are unreliable, unstable and REALLY immature” is what I wrote in my journal. A loving older woman and my mentor at the time gently looked at this list, circled it and drew a line back to my name. All these guys I was dating had similar charastics but they all had ME in common. She told me with the most love in the world, “ You may not be ready to date until you can work on some of your stuff, because this is what you are attracting right now”. Woof. That is is kind of love I needed, not girls telling me “Thats just how guys are” or filling my ego with nonsense that it’s not me.. it’s them.
I was brought to my knees in dispair and decided I didn’t have the capacity to be available to anyone else until I showed up for myself first. So after years of bad & toxic relationships I decided to show up for myself in a way I had never done before.. one year I was not going to focus on dating, one year was about my health and learning about relationships by maintaining them with my friends. I grew in the most remarkable ways that year as God molded and prepared my heart for the years to come.
By the grace of God, when I was ready, he brought my beautiful now husband to me. We learned to overcome great hardship together in the first year of marriage. We are still growing, but aren’t immature in our partnership, we show up and are dependable. All the growth of my singleness brings so many gifts in our marriage.
But I see you in your singleness girl, bouncing from relationship to relationship and lusting after your Pinterest wedding board while anxiously staring at the mythical biological clock. I see you, I hear you and I say enjoy this. If by chance you are stuck, get you a good therapist, I am serious keep looking until you find the right one, find a wiser woman who will sort of sponsor you and be honest with you about the things you need to hear. Find a community, go to church, find a yoga studio, whatever you do DON’T ISOLATE it only breeds more crazy!
Be patient. Ask for help. Show up for yourself first. This too will pass and you’ll find your happy in ways you never thought was possible.